My first therapist was a poor fit, and when I decided to make a change, I specifically sought out a trauma-aware therapist who specialized in cases that involved complex childhood trauma. This made all the difference for me, but it's possible the factors in play are not the same.

I'm also pretty interested in the book mentioned above. I should also mention that the book "Why Buddhism is True" is a book that really opened my eyes to some aspects of human experience that just hadn't made any sense to me up to that point. This is not a religious book, but rather an examination of the philosophical claims of Buddhism and mapping those onto a modern understanding of evolutionary psychology. I had just started meditating when I read this, and reading it convinced me fully that I was on the right path.

I've come to believe that this meditation practice is the single most important habit in my life at this point. It's a foundation for thinking more clearly, and thinking more clearly tends to sort out a bunch of other problems automatically.

I have been somewhat exposed to various Buddhist teachings through various lectures. I am a huge fan Alan Watts, and I have watched almost every video on Youtube from the content creator Dr. K/Healthygamer.gg (person/channel name). I like a lot of what I have heard, and I have tried to implement some of it in my life.

I would not consider myself well versed in the practices by any means though. I will try to check out the book you mentioned as well. Hopefully, there is an audiobook version, that would be a huge help.

I am so happy that mediation has been beneficial to you. From practitioners of mediation, I have heard nothing but positive reviews. I really want to do it, and I have tried on multiple occasions, but I seriously cannot physically sit still long enough to do it. Trust me, I want to be a Jedi. Nothing would be cooler than that.

I have severe ADHD, and it makes things like reading books, mediating, and even therapy really difficult (amongst everything else). Of course, I am treated for it, but treatment is like drinking alcohol for depression. Sure, it kind of works in some ways, but it has its own world of problems.

"treatment is like drinking alcohol for depression. Sure, it kind of works in some ways, but it has its own world of problems." This does read as learned helplessness to me, a sympathetic stranger on the internet.

I encourage you to try a therapist listing "trauma" as a key area of interest. Regardless of your ADHD diagnosis. See haswell and my comments above. This is from someone who has had six or seven therapists and only two were effective. (Guess what those two had in common...)

Much love.

Seriously, thanks for the all the advice. You might be on to something.

I'll contact my insurance tomorrow and see what they can find me lol.

Thank you again, and much love back.

The book teaches you the qualities of a pessimist vs an optimist.

For example, a pessimist thinks anything good that happens to them is temporary and impersonal. And they think that anything bad that happens to them is permanent and personal. An optimist is the opposite of that.

So if something good happens, a pessimist will think, “I just got lucky this time. I can’t count on good things happening in the future.” An optimist thinks, “of course I was able to make something good happen! Good things often happen for me.”

Then he teaches you a method similar to cognitive behavioral therapy to record and then dispute your negative thoughts on paper. I followed it for about 5 months and it honestly rewired my brain dramatically for the better.

One advice I've heard is to learn about the different types of therapist and focus on finding one whose method (and there are a lot!) clicks with you. It's very possible all of those 14 providers used methods that didn't work for you.